New Year, Big Changes

I hope you had a joyous Christmas and New Year!  We sure did!  While it was busy with year-end items and preparing for our World Race team, we also managed time for rest and fun in the sun.

Now as we look ahead to a new year, I’m looking ahead to big changes as well, as this year will be one of transition for me.  With my visa expiring in June, I’m planning to move back to the US in May.

The 6 years I’ve been in South Africa have been an incredible journey – I’ve learned a lot, grown a lot, and been blessed to have a job I love that has also blessed others.  But I miss home as well, and feel the time is right to return to be with family.

I wish I could say I knew exactly where the Lord is calling me next.  The director/manager/planner in me would sure feel more comfortable if I was being called out of South Africa into something else.  But He hasn’t revealed that to me yet.

I just know that I feel a release and peace with another missionary joining us soon, someone to whom I can transition many of my responsibilities.  I also know that as I step out in faith the Lord will reveal His next steps and timing.  (It’s strange how returning to the US feels like just as big a faith step as originally coming here…)

Honestly, we’ve been soooo busy the past several months I’ve had little time to pray, plan, or prepare for next steps.  I also wanted to be sure to remain focused on ministry here.  But with this new year, I’ll have to focus more on transition planning…

So for now, I would love your prayers:

• For confirmation and peace about what to do with my beloved dog Zoe

• For God’s revealed will about practical matters such as finances, housing, work, vehicle, etc.

• For doors to open that allow me to live in the US yet still be involved in ministry, missions and Ignite South Africa

• For supporters to stay engaged with me until I return home, that finances don’t dry up once they hear the news

Thank you for everything.  You’ve been a tremendous support and blessing to me.  I appreciate it so much!  

Blessings, Jill

Lacking Nothing

“Consider it pure joy, my brothers and sisters, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith produces perseverance. Let perseverance finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything.” James 1: 2-4

Being a Christian isn’t easy, even God will attest to that.  Every day we find ourselves in various trials and difficult situations.  The word used here is peirasmos which is not a temptation to sin, but rather a testing that is directed towards an end.  The goal is to emerge better, stronger, and purer from the testing.

It’s clear that God’s will for us is to have patience and perseverance, so much so that He gives us countless “opportunities” to develop it in our lives.  Big ones.  Small ones.  Major once in a lifetime ones.  Everything from life altering events to minor everyday annoyances.  Each an opportunity to develop and display the fruit of the Holy Spirit…or not.

James teaches that when endurance, steadfastness, and patience are fully developed in our lives we too will be fully developed, lacking nothing.  The devil can’t control us when we are mature, patient, persevering Christians.

James also teaches that we should be joyful about such trials, the AMP says to be wholly joyful.  Obviously that’s a tough thing to do unless we have the right perspective - that mind of Christ that is also wholly assured that the trial will prove, exercise and strengthen our faith and produce good results.

Often times we lose our patience and then make the excuse “I’m just not a patient person.”  As if patience is an inherent characteristic that you either have or you don’t.  How many other character flaws do we accept as a given, unchangeable  part of our nature blinded to the fact that God expects more from us and gives us the power to change?

I almost think it’s easier to patiently endure the major tests in life.  Not only do we recognize them for what they are, but we also bear down and put forth all our effort.  What about those “pop quizzes” that occur every day?  The screaming baby, the slow driver, the misplaced or messed up paperwork, the lady counting out exact change, the unhelpful help desk operator…

When it’s just a minor annoyance or inconvenience we try to fix or control it, figure out why, vent our frustrations or assign blame.  While trying to fix a problem is a good thing, we mustn’t let the problem steal our joy, extinguish our patience, or tarnish the fruit that we’re developing and displaying to others.  And we mustn’t overlook it as a divinely assigned test from God.

Christians shouldn’t be impatient, grumpy, lashing out people.  Sure if we’re in a bad mood we can forgive and extend grace, we know God does.  But unbelievers don’t know grace, they just see impatient, grumpy so-called Christians.  And when we behave in a manner unworthy of Christ, they see hypocrites. 

The Lord expects joyful, enduring patience from His children, and He gives us the Holy Spirit to help us develop it so that we lack nothing.  Tests and pop quizzes are simply means to that end and should bring us pure joy, because when we’re lacking nothing Satan can’t gain a foothold.

Lord, please reveal to me times when I’ve been impatient, when I’ve let trials weaken my resolve and steal my joy, when I’ve lashed out or withdrawn and disengaged instead of patiently, joyfully persevering.  Lord, I want to be complete in you, lacking nothing.  Amen.

Truth and Consequences

In this picture are Kiara and Taryn  as Good and Not So Good Fruit trees.  They were great sports as our children's church stuck them with apples.

As I read Psalm7 the word “consequences” kept coming to mind.  Even for Christians – those who have had their past, present and future sins washed away by the blood of Christ – there are always consequences for our actions.  Our liberty in Christ does not give us license to sin.

David is seeking refuge and protection from his enemies.  But he’s also cognizant that his consequences may be of his own doing.  He humbles himself and gives God permission to search him, evaluate him, and see if there’s something he’s done wrong to deserve what he’s going through.  If he is guilty of wrong-doing, he’s ready to face the consequences of his actions, even if it means death.

God doesn’t usually intervene when we’re about to make a mistake.  He lets us make our own decisions and choices.  But he does stand waiting on the other side ready to forgive us if we ask, and redeem the situation if we let him.  Either way, consequences can still be far reaching, life-changing…permanent. 

So David cries out for refuge and deliverance, but is also willing to face any consequences God so chooses.  But then comes another plea and praise of God.  Rise up.  Take charge.  For those who follow Him, God is their shield.  He’ll save the righteous.  He’ll judge rightly.  He’ll fight for us and with us.  While consequences still unfold around us, we can be assured that God’s love and faithfulness remain steady even when ours doesn’t. 

Even when we mess up.  When we repent, God forgives.  When we humble ourselves, God redeems.  God doesn’t forsake us just because we mess up.  He may let us reap the consequences, but he doesn’t leave us.

And speaking of consequences, the ones for unbelievers - those who reject God and deliberately rebel against Him - those consequences are doozies.  V16 says the trouble he causes recoils on himself, his violence comes down on his own head.  Ouch!

So consequences or not, we should always give thanks to the Lord for His righteousness.  We should always sing His praises.  And when we mess up, we should repent.  Repentance means a sincere turning away from ourselves and our sin, and turning toward God.  It means an about face and new direction – in mind, heart, and action.

It’s tough to ask God to search me, convict me, point out what I’ve done wrong.  But I know He only does so out of love and for that reason it’s a bit easier.  I sincerely want to please Him so awareness, confession and repentance are just part of the process.

“If my people, who are called by my name, will humble themselves and pray and seek my face and turn from their wicked ways, then I will hear from heaven, and I will forgive their sin and will heal their land.” 2 Chronicles 7:14

My Eyes Grow Weak

Psalm 6 echoes out from the depth of David’s struggles, from a soul weary of anguish, from a body and mind worn out from the burden of despair.  He teaches us that in our own struggles we can and should cry out to God.  The truth is that He’s there with us and there for us.

But the fact that David is drenched in tears, faint with sorrow, and weak from groaning out also tells us that his struggle is long-lasting.  I think our hardest struggles are the ones that seem to go on and on and on.  Those are the ones that can make us wonder where God is, to doubt His presence. 

We know God hears our prayers…but does he?  We know God is always with us…but is he?  We know God answers our prayers…but does he?  He does.  He is.  He does.  Although maybe not always in a way we expect or understand.

As I read through my journal I came across an entry from 3 months ago.  The day prior we didn’t have enough money in the bank to make payroll.  This year has been an ongoing financial struggle for Ignite and some months me personally.  Our leadership team had been praying, trusting, trying, and expecting God to provide each month…and that month He didn’t. 

So I did.  I emptied my account to make payroll and pay a few other bills to give us some breathing room.  But rather than seeing it as a way God provided for us and praising Him for it, I became angry, fearful and resentful because God seemed nowhere to be found. 

“My soul is in deep anguish. How long, Lord, how long?” (v6)

And why?  When battles rage on and on we tend to ask why?  Or maybe it’s just me.  On the one hand we should because if there is something we need to repent of or resolve in our own lives we need to do so. 

But after that, the why doesn’t matter.  From there we just need to press deeper into God and trust Him.  Trust that He’s with us.  Trust that He cares.  Trust that He’s in control.  Trust that He’s working and will, in time, deliver us.  And trust that He can and will redeem whatever was lost in the battle.

What does matter is who we become through the struggle.  Do we allow God to develop our spiritual maturity – faith, courage, perseverance, trust, prayer, fasting, etc.?  Struggles expose the chinks in our spiritual armor, those vulnerable places where a weapon can make solid contact.  Struggles raise the heat so that our impurities can rise to the surface and be drawn out.  We come out of them refined, stronger, better protected for the next struggle…because there will be one.

“My eyes grow weak with sorrow; they fail because of all my foes.” (v7)

For David, spiritual blindness was setting in, which was the case for me as well.  His cries to God turned to reasoning with God.  If you let me die, who’s going to praise you?  Wouldn’t you prefer praise?  I tried to reason with God as well.  It doesn’t really work.

Then somewhere in between verse 7 and 8 David rallies.  He realizes how weak he sounds.  He remembers God’s faithfulness.  He reminds himself that God has heard his cries and is fighting on his behalf.  David ends full of faith, convinced that he will be delivered and his enemies taken down.

My journal entry ended with “Lord, help me to rally like David did.”  And He did.  God is always with us.

When All Hell Breaks Loose

Psalm 2 says blessed are those who take refuge in the Lord rather than in someone or something else.  Which begs the obvious question, where do I take my refuge?  And with no higher power, no greater protection or provider than God, why would nations, or anyone for that matter, work against Him?

I think of the US, and it seems like we are sliding down the slippery slope of morality.  Anything goes.  Everything that’s wrong is someone else’s fault.  I see so-called Christians with no need for God, thinking their liberty in Christ gives them the license to do whatever they want.  Christ’s sacrifice didn’t give us freedom to sin, it gave us freedom from the power of sin, which means freedom and power not to sin.

So rulers and common-folk alike will be judge by God, and I think rulers and leaders more harshly because of the added responsibility they were entrusted with.  Those who mock God, disregard him, reject him will find themselves mocked, disregarded, rejected by God in return.

There are always consequences to sin.  Sometimes they are major, and other times more subtle like the Lord simply stepping back and letting people reap what they sow.  Unchecked, unrepented sin only escalates.  Once one Bible-defined sin becomes tolerated, then accepted, then legalized and even celebrated, what’s next?  Which sin is next in the escalation?

When God steps back and gives our unregenerate human nature what it wants, all hell breaks loose.

Those who follow God, call Jesus Savior and Lord, submit to His rule – those are the ones who can ask God for anything and He’ll provide.  Imagine an entire nation devoted to the one, true, living God.  That would be a powerful, blessed, abundant nation indeed.  Imagine the amazing victories they’d have against nations who do not serve the same God.

Unfortunately, so-called Christian nations (and people) are blind to the fact that they aren’t really Christian.  That Christian values were discarded by the wayside in a quest for power, prosperity, popularity, and tolerance.  You can’t make everyone happy – not sinners and saints alike.  When you try, God gets pushed away to make room for human thinking.

Love is from God.  Tolerance is not. This psalm talks about the consequences of nations turning away from God and His ways.  With nations being comprised of individuals, the same principles would definitely apply.

Thomas Jefferson once said “In matters of style, swim with the current.  In matters of principle, stand like a rock.”

So where do you find your refuge?  Is the one, true, living God the source of all things in your life?  Do you stand on His Word and for His Word when others reject it?

The Ways of the Wicked

I finished another read through of the Bible and was unsure of where to start next.  As I prayed, I felt pulled towards Psalms, maybe because things have been challenging lately on several fronts.  I’ve heard the same from so many people, that the Enemy seems to be working overtime sifting, stressing, and battling with God’s people.  I guess I felt drawn to all that David endured - his highs and lows, and how he cried out to God expressing fears and frustrations, yet still rallied his trust and faith in God.  Lessons I need to learn from.

Psalm 1 teaches that those who walk in God’s ways rather than the ways of the world will be blessed.  So what are the ways of the world?  Sin.  Hanging out with sinners.  Taking their advice.  Mocking God.  Thinking you know it all and can do it all by yourself.  Living for yourself or for the moment with no concern for the consequences.  These are some things that came to mind.

Rarely do we think of ourselves as wicked.  It seems like such a harsh word – a word reserved for pedophiles, rapists, and serial killers.  Surely I’m not an evil, wicked sinner, right?  But what about being arrogant, prideful, hurtful, self-promoting, self-righteous, independent, or indifferent?  Do any of these descriptions fit or is it just me?  Because these are sins as well.  And sinners are the folks who will blow away like chaff – their lives and everything they’ve worked for.

On judgment day those who lived for temporal, worldly gain will fall before God.  They won’t be able to stand in his presence.  They won’t have anything to show for their lives.  In contrast, those who delight in God’s Word and do what it says will be blessed and cared for.  They will produce fruit that lasts eternally.

Verse 6 says “For the Lord watches over the way of the righteous, but the way of the wicked leads to destruction.”  There are basically two paths to choose from, and it’s our choice which one to take.  For me, this psalm gives us a glimpse into the abundant life the Lord offers, but also shows that we have to choose it. 

And we have to work at it.  Living according to God’s ways isn’t easy.  We need to know what sin is.  We need to work to avoid it.  We need to study God’s word and reflect on it, letting it renew our thoughts, desires, and motives until we love what God loves, hates what he hates, and desire his will above all else.

I thank the Lord that he calls me righteous even though I misstep into sin.  I thank Him that he forgives me and watches over me helping to keep my path straight.  I thank Him that each day I am blessed in small and large ways, and pray that when I’m too caught up in myself and the circumstances around me that he reminds me to return my focus to him – the author and perfecter or my faith.

Second-String

“Let’s face it.  Sometimes your past simply disqualifies you from doing certain things for God, but that doesn't mean He doesn't have another great plan for your life. “

So let me ask you this, does God really have a second-string?  I know that second-string isn't the best term to use, but you know where I’m going with this…A team of disqualified people that he’s trying to use by making “the best of it.”  Because I've seen entire churches, ministries, and organizations led by broken, put-back-together people.

Many years ago, a friend gave me this “wisdom” and “consolation” as we talked about being called into full-time missions.  He was sure, bold, moving full steam ahead.  I was less sure, still seeking God’s will, wanting more confirmation and preparation.  He equated my uncertainty with God’s certainty that missions just wasn't for me.

You see, it was my divorce that brought me back to the church. 

I had been raised Christian, but somewhere along the way I missed the part about having a personal relationship with Christ and living for Him on a daily basis.  My faith guaranteed that I would go to heaven when I died, but it didn't really impact how I was to live, if that makes sense.  The result was that good things in my life actually became obstacles or idols.  2 college degrees, a successful career, marriage, a house, and all the other stuff needed to "keep up with the Joneses."  Each of these would be blessings under the Lordship of Jesus Christ, but I didn't know that at the time.  So when my husband and I divorced after 3 years of marriage, my search for purpose and meaning led me back to God and what it really means to be born-again.  I'm eternally grateful that He welcomed me with open arms.

So…Did being divorced disqualify me from entering the mission field?  Or from leading as a witness for God?  Did I have to remarry to serve alongside a husband?  Was remarriage even an option in God’s eyes?  Did I need to remarry my ex, or would being yoked with an unbeliever just compound the sin?  I wrestled with these questions for many years - with God, and with the help of godly leaders, mentors and teachers…all the while feeling increased calling and confirmation to lead His work overseas.

In hindsight, I can see how God used my friend to assure me of my calling.  To guarantee it was deeply ingrained in my heart.  Because through 10 years in missions and now 4 in the South African field, my calling has been questioned, doubted, shaken and attacked more times than I can count.  By Satan, by people, even by me… It happens, again and again.

I know I have been called by God.  And anyone who has walked my journey with me knows it too.  Thankfully, in my moments of doubt and weakness, God uses these loved ones to encourage and remind me.  And now that I’m wiser in faith and stronger in my relationship with Christ, I realize that our pasts don’t disqualify us from being used by God.  Anyone who doubts that doubts the redemptive power of Christ.  Because me being in the mission field, and me leading in ministry, has nothing to do with me and everything to do with God.

I Corinthians 1:27 says “But God chose the foolish things of the world to shame the wise; God chose the weak things of the world to shame the strong.”  We throw that verse around a lot, often in mock humility.  But God really, really, truly, truly does use the foolish things.  As one of those foolish things, I know this from experience.

The deepest yearning of my heart is to remarry someday.  To be yoked with a man who loves the Lord, lives for Him, and has His heart for reaching the lost.  God knows my desire, cares about it, and will either fulfill it or change it someday.  But in the meantime, He and I have some work to do. 

I don’t think that means as second-string, but I’m ok if it does.  What do you think?